Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I'm So Sorry Iza..........Please Forgive Me.

On Friday which happened to be Canada Day, I made myself accept that my cat wasn't getting any better. I was just wishing and hoping she was. That afternoon I brought her to the emergency clinic knowing I wouldn't be bringing her home. After the vet checked her out, she told me her opinion but the decision was mine to make. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Signing the paper to permit the euthanasia felt like a betrayal of the worst kind and I still feel sick thinking about it. She asked me if I wanted to stay in the room or not. I really wanted to run away and say I couldn't do it. But I had no choice because she was sitting there scared and not knowing what was happening. It was quick but seemed so very long. The whole time I was crying and saying "I'm so sorry" over and over. It's so blurry but so vivid in my mind still. I remember hearing my tears rolling down my face and hitting the stainless steel table. Then it was done.
She was 14+ years old. I adopted her from the humane society and her age was unknown at the time. It was estimated at 1 year, maybe more. I named her Iza (pronounced Ee-suh) a character from one of my favourite books. She was my constant friend, my heart is aching and I miss her terribly. 


Thank you mom, for being there when I needed someone. I love you.




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6 comments:

Charli Armstrong said...

*hugs*

denthreekids said...

*hugs*

T.L. Ryder said...

I'm very sorry for your loss. Our furries capture our hearts and never let go!

Steph said...

I'm so sorry! She looked beautiful in those pictures. I'm tearing up reading this. Every pet owner's worst fear.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry! We had to do the same last week, so I know how hard it is. My dad always told me that he carries guilt and regret for not staying with his beloved dog for the euthanasia 50ish years ago, so I make a point to stay (this is my third loss). It is so hard to say goodbye to all that unconditional love.

Angela said...

I'm so sorry (and late in commenting on your post). I had to euthanize my cat of 14 years a few months ago as well. I miss him so much.