On Friday which happened to be Canada Day, I made myself accept that my cat wasn't getting any better. I was just wishing and hoping she was. That afternoon I brought her to the emergency clinic knowing I wouldn't be bringing her home. After the vet checked her out, she told me her opinion but the decision was mine to make. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Signing the paper to permit the euthanasia felt like a betrayal of the worst kind and I still feel sick thinking about it. She asked me if I wanted to stay in the room or not. I really wanted to run away and say I couldn't do it. But I had no choice because she was sitting there scared and not knowing what was happening. It was quick but seemed so very long. The whole time I was crying and saying "I'm so sorry" over and over. It's so blurry but so vivid in my mind still. I remember hearing my tears rolling down my face and hitting the stainless steel table. Then it was done.
She was 14+ years old. I adopted her from the humane society and her age was unknown at the time. It was estimated at 1 year, maybe more. I named her Iza (pronounced Ee-suh) a character from one of my favourite books. She was my constant friend, my heart is aching and I miss her terribly.
Thank you mom, for being there when I needed someone. I love you.
